Harry Potter and the Chicago Style Pizza
by Subr0
Summary: Post HBP. Harry gets help from an unusual group of characters who have a different approach to dealing with Voldemort and his flotsam. Ratings for violence, no mushy stuff here, well not much.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JK. Rowling. Newer characters belong to the public domain, because that's where I got them. This is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, beings, myths, legends whether living, dead or incarcerated is purely coincidental, I can assure you. (Well, I might have borrowed a few, but this is just for fun:) I own nothing, am nothing, worth nothing, spam nothing. 

Harry Potter  
And the Chicago Style Pizza

Chapter 1: Knock-Knock

As he lay in his bed, three distinct memories played and over in his head. "Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore", he mumbled as their deaths began another round of review, like a videotape stuck on a constant replay cycle.

These three people, who had meant so much to him were torn from his life by Death-Eaters led by the half-blood Tom Riddle, self proclaimed Lord Voldemort.

"How can I, a seventeen year old boy hope to fight and defeat this madman and his merry bunch of psychopaths?" he whispered to his owl Hedgwig, who was watching him with sad eyes from her perch.

"Pop pop" came a noise from outside his window; the sound of double apparition caused him to jump from the bed, wand in hand, curse on his lips as he rushed to look out the window.

Unfortunately at that moment a great bellowing voice could be heard downstairs "BOY, get your lazy arse down here!"

His Uncle Vernon, who resembled an overstuffed turnip on good days was not happy with the presence of two 'freaks' on his front step. As Harry jumped from the third step to the floor next to Uncle Vernon he was grabbed by the collar and shaken back and forth, with Vernon grinding out "You get rid of them, NOW! uuurrp?" This sentence ended in a strangled gurgle as Harry had thrust his wand in between Uncle Vernon's fourth and fifth chin and hissed "Shut it, they could be killers."

Vernon, now turning the color of a rotted tomato, let go of Harry's shirt collar and backed away, turned around and waddled into the kitchen with such velocity that he cracked the door on the way.

Harry turned back towards the front door. He could see the silhouette of two people through the door drapes, but could not make out who it was.

"Potter, open the door" he heard in a gravel-like voice, resembling that of Mad-Eye-Moody. Moody was retired Auror who now had taken the lead of the Order of the Phoenix since Dumbledore had been assassinated in front of Harry just two weeks before.

Harry, keeping his wand by his side but pointed at the two people on the front stoop, opened the door a crack and said "Moody?" "Yar" came the answer, in a tone that reminded Harry of a pirate movie that Dudley had on tape.

Harry opened the door a little bit more, so he could see who it was that accompanied the grizzled old Auror. The man with Moody was wearing a pin-striped suit and a fedora, with shiny black and white shoes. His face resembled Moody's, but with somewhat less scarring and a whole nose, (unlike Moody) brown eyes and a rather large chin. He appeared to be about sixty years old.

"This little Babo is what chu brought me six t'ousand miles to see?", said the man. "Let's get inside before the whole bloody neighborhood sees ya" growled Moody. With that, he pushed open the door and started to enter the house, only to be brought up short by Harry's wand now being stuck into yet the second throat of the day.

"Who is this person, and how do you know he's ok?" asked Harry, turning his head towards Moody. However, Moody didn't have time to answer as there was a noise "Ssshitck-chik" and Harry felt the cold muzzle of a .45 automatic touch his head just behind the left ear. "Drop da stick, punk" came the voice of the stranger.

A loud "Clang" was heard and Harry felt the gun fall away to the floor. Being an old .45 auto, with the hammer pulled back, and the safety not engaged it did exactly what Colt.45's used to do when it hit the floor. A loud "BOOM" rang out that caused temporary deafness to those in close proximity. Moody was knocked off his feet as the large round struck the bottom of his wooden leg and shattered it.

Harry swung around, wand still in his hand to see Aunt Petunia standing there with her mouth gaped open in horror holding a large iron skillet that she had apparently used on the head of the aforementioned stranger with the gun.

"Garrr, bloody 'ell cripe and codswollup!" yelled Moody as he tried and failed to balance himself on his one good leg, the other being splintered and smoking from under the bottom of his trousers. Harry reached over and lent a hand to get Moody back upright. He lead him over to the Queen-Anne chair that was in the closest corner of the living room where Moody sat down hard, still grumbling under his breath.

The now un-armed stranger moaned from his position in the front hallway and Aunt Petunia sprung into action, raising the iron skillet over her head readying for a second strike.

"Wait!" yelled Harry, walking over to the stranger. He pointed his "stick" at the man and started the incantation "Secte-" "EXPELLIARMUS!" yelled Moody. "What the hell do ya think yar doin' Potter? Harry turned and saw that Moody had deftly caught his wand. "What?" "Are ya gonna kill the man who traveled halfway around the world to help you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, The Horcrux

Harry wearily turned back towards the stranger, who had gotten back up and retrieved his weapon from the floor. "Lotta thanks I get" grumbled the stranger, brushing off his fedora and placing it back on his head.

"Joey Lombardo, Pleased to be making your acquaintance" said the man, holding out his right hand to Harry. "What?" Harry replied as he shook hands with the stranger. The man was about to explain, when the now forgotten Petunia Dursley screeched "VERNON, CALL THE BOBBIES!" She leered at Harry and sneered "this proves that we've been right about your kind all along". "Nothing but a bunch of criminals!".

Moody said "Arrhg, shut yar windpipe ya blowhard". "He's a distant cousin o' mine from Chicago, what's come to 'help young Harry wit' his little problem". "Well," said Aunt Petunia "this 'distant cousin' of this disgusting man" pointing at Moody "is a Gangster from the States, I saw him on the telly just the other day. They call him Joey 'the Clown' Lombardo, and he' a murdering thief who's wanted in Chicago by their G-Men" she said in a haughty voice, sticking her nose in the air (faintly reminding Harry of Hermione Granger, his "know it all" friend at school). "We will get quite a reward for his capture".

"I see dat my reputation proceeds me" said Joey the Clown with a mild smirk on his face. "Why do they call you 'the clown'?" asked Harry, now puzzled. "Because I make jokes" replied the man "Just ask the Spillatro brothers". Harry's face took on a new level of obvious confusion. "Hey Moody, ya got that old pocket watch on ya?" asked the Clown. Moody grunted and reached into his robe, pulling out what Harry recognized as one of the items they had come across while cleaning out Grimmauld Place the summer before fifth year. It was the gold locket that nobody was able to open. He tossed it to the other man, who placed it on the floor.

"RRRING" came a sound from the front door. Vernon came swooping out of the kitchen (no doubt hoping for a quick reward) to answer the door. "Not so fast, fatso" said Joey the Clown, pulling out his Colt .45 auto. "Got another one o' dem portkeys handy?" he asked Moody. "Yar" was the only answer.

The gangster pulled back on the hammer, pointed his gun at the locket on the floor and pulled the trigger, causing another massive "BOOM" then "BLAMMO" the locket was blasted into tiny pieces. With a screeching noise (not unlike the yelping coming out of Petunia Dursley) a ghostly shape reminiscent of the shadow of Tom Riddle from the diary in Harry's second year came flowing out of the destroyed floorboard under what used to be a locket and evaporated into nothingness. The air smelled sharp from cordite, and there was smoke gently corkscrewing up from the barrel of barrel of the gun.

Joey 'the Clown' blew into the barrel, and quickly put the gun into a shoulder holster under his jacket. There was now banging heard from the front door as the constables were attempting to enter the premises forcibly.

"You're all going to prison!" yelled Vernon Dursley, now heading over towards the front door after noticing the considerable noise the local law enforcement authorities at the front and then the back of the house. There were flashing lights outside, and apparently an entire emergency assault team was being gathered in the driveway of Mrs. Number 6 Privet Drive.

Moody put a hand in his pocket and pulled out a red yo-yo. He said "Are we just gonna wait and be taken by the muggles?" "Get over here and touch the portkey, it's set for 10, 9, 8,"

"Let's blow dis joint" said Joey, and with that he pulled a still-dazed Harry over to Moody, looked at Harry and asked "Hey kid, have you ever had a Chicago Style Pizza?" just before they touched the portkey and vanished as the policemen burst into the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Windy City

After an uncomfortably long portkey trip, Harry found himself on a rather slippery rock island which appeared to be man-made. It had what looked like an old brick house on it, and was perfectly round, except for the flat top they were standing on. There was the sound of choppy waves slapping against the foundation below, and Harry was unable to see more than a hundred meters in any direction due to the twilight and fog rolling around them.

"Where exactly are we?" asked Harry, wand out and in the ready position. "And, what time is it here?" "Welcome to the Windy City, kid, it's about five A.M." was the response from the oldest member of their group "our taxi should be here any minute now".

Harry looked at Joey the Clown, and was about to ask why it was called the 'Windy City' (because there certainly wasn't any wind) when they heard the telltale chugging of a diesel engine closing in on their location.

"Stampeli Reparo" muttered Moody, pointing his wand at his shattered wooden leg. It apparently worked as Moody stomped around in a circle testing the work he had done to restore the leg back to operational status."Ain't perfect, but it'll do" he said.

The engines noises were getting closer, and out of the fog a blurry shape materialized. As it got closer, Harry could tell it was a white boat about 10 meters long, with an enclosed bottom deck and an exposed upper deck that was considerably smaller. There was a man on the top who appeared to be operating the controls. As the boat got closer, it slowed and turned to the left, gently bumping the island fortress (for a better word) that Harry and his companions were standing on.

"Thar she blows" growled out Moody, and a decidedly female voice from boat replied "Ahoy Captain Ahab". Harry recognized the voice and called out "TONKS? What are you doing here?"

Harry didn't get his answer, because Moody grabbed his right shoulder and guided him down some slippery stairs to the waiting boat. He stumbled and recovered several times, slipping his wand in the back pocket (contrary to the false Moody's advice during 4th year) of his worn out jeans lest he drop it into the choppy waters below.

There were two men on the boat other than the driver and Tonks, and they each took one of Harry arms and guided him over the side and on to the deck below. Tonks grabbed him in a big hug and said "hey loverboy, did ya miss me" and with a wink pecked him on the cheek and released him. She then turned towards the enclosed cabin and promptly tripped on a piece of green indoor-outdoor carpeting that Harry recognized as the type Uncle Vernon used on the backyard patio during the summertime.

The boat pulled away from the island and accelerated enough that Harry had to grab on to the aluminum ladder that led up to the upper-deck in order to keep his balance. He turned around and noticed Moody and Joey had successfully joined him on the boat. The other two men were in quiet conversation with the gangster.

Moody was holding onto the side of the boat facing out into the wet breeze, looking much like an old bulldog Harry had seen with its head out the window of a car and its tongue lolling to one side. Harry thought he would have made a convincing pirate.

"Excuse me, Prof- I mean Mr. Moody?". Moody turned slowly towards Harry as if being drawn from his favorite place in the world and said "Yar to call me Mad-Eye from now on got it?" he growled. "Oook" Harry replied. "Well, out with it, we got some time to talk now and these 'gentlemen' can be trusted" Moody said.

"Well, I was just wondering how it was, that Mr. Lombardo was able to destroy the Hor- er, locket?" Moody replied "We knew about the Horcrux and have a good idea on how to destroy them once we get our hands on them, thanks to the pensive Dumbledore left for the Order." "But how?" said Harry, confused on how they destroyed it

without getting injured. "Yar remember, in yar second year?" Moody

explained "that diary of ol' Riddle ya killed with the Basilisk fang?"

"Well, we took that one step further, and decided to use the poison of the Basilisk along with a way to deliver it that would take most of the danger of actually handling the Horcrux and poison out of, well, yar hands. The one we destroyed today was at Grimmauld Place, and thanks for not lockin' up the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. Dumbledore and Snape (said with a sneer) were able to go and harvest the poison and other parts for our use. Luckily Dumbledore had them locked up in a cavern beneath the third floor corridor and Snape (again, sneered) didn't get to it before he murdered Dumbledore and escaped."

"All's well and good, Moody, but you needed someone outside the law to deliver said one-two punch, eh?" laughed the old gangster, now joining in their conversation. "You gotta have 'plausible deniability', and that where I come in" he explained. "That means you don't gotta touch nobody or nuttin, cause somebody else does the dirty work for you." "I learned that from an old FBI buddy, just before they threw me in Joliet." "oh yeah, this is Frankie and Johnny, my two Capo's, uh that's like a second in command. Frankie's specialty is guns and Johnny is my wizard in charge of travel arrangements. He picked out our landing area today based on the wards Mayor Doiley's 'Red Squad' sets up to intercept unregulated portkey travel. To be able to portkey into and out of Chicago, you gotta buy a permit. That means paying off somebody at city hall, and the fact that Chicago only allows so many permits it's worse than trying to get a taxi medallion to drive a stinkin' cab. I just don't wanna waste the money."

"Ah, what's Joliet? asked Harry, looking distractedly at the now brightening lake that was coming slowly into view around of them. "State Prison, and a more miserable place you wouldn't wanna be locked up in, either" replied the gangster with a grim look on his face.

"Oh, a Yank Azkaban?" quipped Harry. "No Dementors" said Moody. "Anyway," continued Joey "we took the poison, put two drops into a 200 grain hollow point,

cover it with carnauba wax and BADA-BOOM, BADA-BING! Instant death for a Squib like me or a wizard like you, and destruction to all magical devices like your bunch of Horcruxes." "Oh yeah, one shot takes out any magical shield, too" he added as an afterthought. "As fast as you can pull the trigger, you can drop a shield _and_ the jerk hiding behind it." "Whoa" was all Harry could say in return.

He heard a groan behind him and turned around to see Tonks lying on a couch in the enclosed cabin area of the boat. She was holding a large white bucket and looked decidedly green in the face. "Come out and get some fresh air" said Harry, "It'll do you some good." Before she could reply the pilot of the boat yelled down "Hey Boss, Chicago's finest on the way out!"

Looking through the front windshield of the boat, Harry could see another boat slightly smaller but with flashing red and blue lights on top coming out to meet them. It was flying a flag with two wide blue stripes on it with four red stars in between, and the American flag above that one. The other two men that came out on their boat sprung into action. Frankie opened a long box on the left side of the boat and pulled out several large fishing poles and placed them into holders around the back of the boat. Johnny went into the main cabin and returned with four folding chairs, arranging them and indicating that the guests should sit down. "Relax" said Johnny, "they just like to play like they're Miami Vice once in a while". Harry looked at him with a confused expression, (any more and it'll be permanent) but got no further explanation.

The police boat turned around and pulled alongside theirs. Two uniformed officers stood in the back, one of them yelling out "where are you coming from?" "Just fishin" replied Johnny. "Deposit or withdrawal" joked asked the second cop. The first officer scanned the faces of the passengers he could see, noticed Joey and tapped the first one on the shoulder, whispering into his ear. The first officer put a fake smile on his face, and said "have a nice day, gentlemen". With that, the police boat sped off, heading south along the now visible coastline of the city. Nobody saw Moody removing his hand from the wand

concealed beneath the black cloak he still wore. Nobody saw Harry do the same.

Harry, now noticing the most famous skyline in the world yelled out "Tonks, you've got to see this!" The somewhat recovered auror arose from the prone position she had previously been occupying on the couch and came out to join Harry, Moody and the gangsters. The sun had risen in back of them and burned off the fog, leaving a breathtaking view of what seemed like hundreds of the tallest buildings in the world reaching up to a perfect baby-blue sky. "Welcome to my humble abode" said Joey the Clown Lombardo, spreading out his arms, hands facing up in a gesture that symbolized an open greeting to friends and family. "Uh, thanks" said Harry, not able to tear his eyes away from this wonder of the modern world that lay before him. Moody said nothing as did Tonks.

As they pulled into the harbor the boat slowed to a crawl, stopped and backed into a slip between two docks. There were six men in black suits waiting for them, four on the walkway next to the dock looking away from the boat as if scanning for danger and the other two looking past their boat into the harbour as if expecting trouble from that direction as well.

While the pilot of the boat was securing it to the dock, the other two standing guard facing the harbor. "American Hit Wizards", whispered Tonks to Harry. "They take their jobs very seriously" she said, before hopping off the boat onto the dock. It would have been graceful if she hadn't been tripped by the rope tying the boat to the mooring. Tonks landed flat on her face and was helped up by one of the men who had accompanied them on the boat. "Thanks, Frankie" said

Tonks to the man, blushing both her cheeks and hair the same shade of bright pink. Harry could swear he saw one of the hit-wizards smirk but when he blinked the smirk was gone, replaced by the neutral look they all seemed to have.

"Come on Harry" said Tonks, reaching a hand out to help him from the boat. Not wanting to take a chance on Tonk's being able to remain balanced he waived her off and leaped onto the dock with the practiced ease of someone hopping off a broomstick after a game of Quidditch.

Frankie said "Follow me" and lead the way to the walkway where the four hit-wizards were waiting, patiently facing away from the harbor towards the parking lot where a large black stretched Cadillac was awaiting their arrival. Lombardo, Moody, Frankie, Johnny, Tonks and Harry all entered the vehicle, two of the hit-wizards also got in, one in front and one in the back as the car took off through the parking lot towards the buildings that seemed to touch the sky.

Harry stared in wonder at all the people rushing around downtown Chicago, and realized that this vehicle must have similar charms as the Knight Bus. Nobody noticed them, and traffic lights, other vehicles and even buildings seemed to move out of the way as they went through the loop and towards the north side of the city at a high rate of speed.

"Magic is the only thing holding up some of these buildings" said

Joey "many are so old their foundations have just about rotted away" he explained. Harry noticed that Tonks and Frankie seemed to be getting along quite nicely, sharing a quiet conversation on the other side of the expanded limousine. There was a rectangular table that popped into place once everyone was seated, and refreshments also appeared as if by house elves sent it over. Harry took a bottle of what appeared to be butterbeer and opened it, enjoying the first taste of American Butterbrewski (according to the label). "Ah, refreshingly cool, a little weak but welcome all the same" he exclaimed gently, as if appreciating a fine piece of art.

"Harry Potter is too kind" said a voice in medium-high pitch. Looking over at the front of the table towards the driver sat a very small dark-skinned creature in a red and white flowered shirt so bright that Harry needed to squint to see it properly. It looked like a cross between a house-elf and a dwarf. "Hello" said Harry to the creature, a smile on his face. "Ah, Harry Potter's reputation as a friend to all beings is well known throughout the world" said the creature in a mild Pigeon-English accent. "I am Kahele (pronounced Kah hale lay) and I works for Mr. Lombardo's family. Before you ask, no, I am not a house elf enslaved like in your England, it's not allowed in America. Your Dobby will be joining us tonight at the estate. I am a Menehune, one of the few remaining true Hawaiians. My brother Moku and I trade off every six months so we can visit Pele and keeps our magic alive. We works the rest of the time, and Mr. Lombardo pays us well enough to work only half a year at a time." "I'm very pleased to meet you then, Kahele" said Harry. "Did you say MY Dobby is coming tonight?" "Yes" came the reply "he is needing to bond, and you are the only wizard he is willing to bond with." "Dobby is a distant cousin on my Auntie Kamuelea's side, I think…?"

"Why does he need to bond with any wizard?" Harry asked. "Because without bonding, Dobby and other house elfs lose their lives in a most unpleasant manner" said Kahele. "Bonding magic is their life-force, and without the bond of a wizard they lose their sanity, then their lives, slowly and painfully. Tis the house elf's curse." "And what happens if the one they've bonded to dies?" Harry inquired, thinking about the insane house-elf Kreacher. Sirius apparently never bonded with him after the evil Mrs. Black died some years before. "Their brains cause them so much pain, they lose the ability to think straight and go insane, eventually dying because the brain is torn apart from within" said the Menehune. "Well, I'll just have to take Dobby on then, won't I?" mumbled Harry, not really looking forward to having a hyperactive house-elf around all the time. It would be like Colin and Dennis Creavey on caffeine. He shuddered at the thought.

Harry was brought out of his distraction when Frankie announced that they would be arriving in a few moments. The limousine drove into a tunnel under what looked like a major city street, then suddenly turned right heading for a concrete wall at high speed. "AHHH!" yelled Harry. Just as they were about to collide with the wall they went through it as if it was the barrier at Kings Cross Station.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: You Can't Fight City Hall

The sound of laughter was heard throughout the underground car park they had left the limousine in, and it was getting on Harry's nerves. "Would you all just quit it?" Harry spat out "how was I to know it was an invisible barrier?" This led to more chortling by the assembled group, except of course the hit wizards, who never broke a smile "This way, folks" said Johnny, leading the way into an elevator at the wall of the garage.

Once inside, Harry noticed there were 68 floors numbered (except 13) and the top button was labeled 'PH'. That is the one pushed by Johnny three times before it lit up. He then placed his right thumb on the PH button and it flashed red, and then went back to white. "Why wouldn't it work the first time?" Harry inquired. "Because we're not going to the penthouse, our offices are on the thirteenth floor but you have to do the sequence and have the correct thumbprint to access them" Johnny replied. "Many people think the number 13 is bad luck, and don't notice it missing from the buttons. The vast majority of wizarding offices in Chicago are on the thirteenth floor if they're in a high-rise. We don't generally do underground unless it's a government facility, right boys" he said, nodding to the two hit wizards in the elevator with them. "We are not at liberty to discuss the operational structure of other clients" replied one of the nondescript hit wizards.

When the elevator suddenly slowed its descent, Harry saw that they had not yet passed the 10th floor. A cold feeling like that of a dementor in close proximity came over Harry and he pulled out his wand, noticing that Moody, Tonks and all the other wizards in the elevator were also holding wands, Johnny and Mr. Lombardo had armed themselves with handguns. "It must be the Red Squad" said one of the hit wizards, as the door was forced partially open from the outside. "Damn meddling city cops" said Joey as a skeletal hand grasped the door and was slowly forcing it to open further. The walls of the elevator had turned to ice from the cold, and Harry was hearing his mother screaming in his mind.

"Expecto-Patronum! Yelled five voices at once, Harry's already impressive stag had leapt through the broken elevator door, and was joined by Moody's parrot patronus (Harry thought that pirate _must_ be in his blood) and Tonk's mongrel dog, reminiscent of Padfoot. Two large twin pit bulls (from who else, the hit wizards) and what looked like a large fat groundhog ran out and started gnawing on the bottom of the closest dementor. Frankie looked at Harry and shrugged his shoulders. "My birthday is Groundhog Day, and I loved the movie". There turned out to be about ten dementors in the corridor outside the elevator. They quickly fled due to the overwhelming strength of the patronus cast by Harry's group.

"Freeze!" came an amplified voice from down the hall. (Harry thought he was already frozen from the effect of the dementors.) "This is the police, you're surrounded, drop your weapons and come out with your hands up!" The voice continued. "Joey Lombardo, we know you're in there!" "You'll never take me alive, Coppers!" yelled Joey the Clown. Harry wanted to laugh at the classic gangster line from old movies, but the situation seemed too serious for levity at the moment. "What?" said Joey, looking at Harry, "I've always wanted to say that." This time Harry did laugh out loud, earning a dirty look from Moody. "Now you know why he's known as The Clown" said Moody.

Tonks had been busy trying to charm a toothbrush into a portkey during this last exchange. Where she got a toothbrush in a Chicago elevator, Harry didn't want to know. "Anti-portkey wards, she mumbled. "Anti-apparition, too" said one of the hit-wizards "Looks like we'll have to fight our way out."

"This is your last warning!" came the voice "thirty seconds and we're coming in after you!" it said. The two hit-wizards looked at each other, seeming to have the same idea, then silently waved their wands over everybody in the elevator. All the other occupants disappeared from Harry's sight and re-appeared to him in an instant with a misty glow around them. "Stay put" said one of the hit-wizards, "As long as we're all in the elevator they'll never notice".

There was the sound of spells being cast towards the door of the elevator from outside. A well-placed Reducto blew apart what was left of the door, sending shrapnel into the elevator, but surprisingly none of the occupants were struck. Two wizards wearing black body armor with large white letters SWAT on them appeared from both sides of the doorway. They quickly peeked inside, and looked again at length. "Damn" one of them said. "Did we get the wrong elevator?" the other one asked. "Nope, the tracer led us to this one" the first cop replied. Harry could see ten other men similarly dressed, now milling around the front of the elevator. "Report!" came a deep voice from around the corner. A man dressed in black wizarding robes appeared, he was about to enter the elevator when one of the other swat team members stopped him. "Excuse me Sir; I think we should check it out before you step inside. "Nonsense, I am Mayor Doiley's representative to the Red Squad, step aside, I need to investigate" he said with an air of self importance about him. (Harry was reminded of Percy Weasley's attitude while discussing cauldron bottom thickness.) With that he looked apprehensively into the elevator. Seeing nothing but debris from the damage done by the swat team members, he stepped into the elevator and promptly was sucked through the floor. Harry could hear his screaming for about ten seconds before a faraway 'thud' was heard. "No big loss" said the swat team member that tried to stop him. "Guess the mayor will have to find a new lacky" chuckled the other one standing by the entrance. "Do we really have to put up with another one" asked the first. "You can't fight city hall" said a third swat team member.

"They must have charmed the floor and levitated themselves down" one of the other cops said. "Alpha team, back to the precinct!" the first one snapped "the mayor ain't gonna like this at all" he grumbled to himself. "Martinez, go and get his body". "Geez, why me, why always me?" Martinez asked rhetorically as they turned and walked back the way they came.

Harry took a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh of relief. "What charm did you use on us" asked Tonks to the hit-wizard closest to her. "Twin-Modified Fidelius took us and the floor slightly out of sync with time, using each other as secret-keeper." "Can only be used by fraternal twins" quipped the other one, with a serious look on his face. "Oh" she asked "you're twins?" "No" said the first hit-wizard. He did not explain further, but each of them waved their wands over the occupants once again and the misty glow disappeared.

"All clear" said Frankie, peering around the elevator entrance and looking each way down the hallway. "We'll have to 'hoof it' from here" he continued. The group exited quietly from the elevator and turned left, away from the direction the swat team had gone.

"We'd better go back to the car and boogie out to the burbs" Frankie said, indicating they should use the stairway and go down. "Naa" replied Johnny, "let's go to thirteen and use the portal out to the Sam's safe house". "I'm sure that our guests would like to relax for awhile before tonight's meeting", said Joey the Clown, now leading the group with the two hit-wizards taking position, one in front and one in back, constantly looking behind them as if expecting the swat team to reappear. They went up the stairwell several levels and Johnny tapped the brick wall between the twelfth and fourteenth floor twice. It opened up al-la Diagon Alley style and they entered a busy, modern looking office with cloth sided cubicles everywhere, computers on the tables and what appeared to be normal muggles working as you would find in any downtown business office while ignoring the intruders. Telephones were ringing, secretaries were typing, birds were singing (I digress) and you get the general picture of a boring work environment that everybody comes to hate. (Digressing again)

Joey led the way around the cubicles, in a maze-like fashion they wound their way towards the center of the office where there was a doorway marked 'Supervisor'. He pressed a cipher lock in a particular order, opened the door and ushered them into the supervisor's office. Moody had been unusually quiet during most of the way, keeping up while favoring his repaired wooden leg as best he could. Tonks had also been quietly observing their surroundings, looking for potential threats and trying not to trip over anything. She was reasonably successful in this endeavor.

Once inside the inner office Harry noticed there was no furniture, only a telephone hanging from one wall, and torches lighting the interior. There were no windows, just walls. "Why are there lights out in the outer office, and only torches in here?" he asked.

"Yar, I'd believe that the magic required for this portal would be interfered with by florescent lighting, am I correct?" he asked Joey. "Yup" came the reply. With a cloud of dust and a hearty "Hi Ho Silver, Awaaaay!" (Yelled by Johnny) the room seemed to jump up and back down once, leaving Harry scrambling to stay on his feet. Tonks, of course was flat on her backside. Moody surprisingly enough was unruffled as were the other people in their group.

Johnny opened the door that they had just come through, waiving them out into what appeared to be a well-to-do common room, complete with overstuffed couches, a full kitchen, armchairs, a billiard table (pool) and a television that Harry estimated to be two meters across. Sitting on a couch watching the local news on television was Severus Snape.


	5. Chapter 5

Chicago Style Pizza Chapter 5

"EXPELLIARMUS! STUPIFY! INCARCEROUS!" yelled Harry, blasts of magical  
power striking the former Hogwarts potions master and leaving him a crumpled mess  
flattened against the wall with debris surrounding him that used to be a very nice leather couch. All eyes turned to Harry, unbelieving that this skinny waif of a boy could command such power. Moody was shocked, especially as he had relieved Harry of his wand during their portal trip to the safe house.

Harry then noticed that his hand was pointing at Snape, and it was devoid of said wand.

"Oops?"

"Yar didn't think to wait and see what he had to say before taking action, eh?" growled Moody, handing Harry his wand back. "Dunno" piped in Tonks "I think it's an improvement" she added while motioning to the unarmed, unconscious death eater wrapped up in what appeared to be steel cables. Moody started to move towards Snape, waiving his wand to remove the cables but Harry stopped him. "I'd like to talk to him while he's tied up, if you please". "Ok kid, just get it over with".

The other members of their party including the two hit wizards decided that was a good time to move out of the doorway and spread themselves out, sitting in the undamaged chairs that were available to them. "When your little war against Voldieshorts is over, come see us for a job" one of the hit wizards whispered to Harry, handing him a business card. Harry nodded to him, put the card in a pocket and turned back towards Snape. Nobody had bothered to uncoil or wake him, so Harry pointed his wand and said "enneverate". The former professor was a little groggy, so Harry enneverated him again. This time it worked, much to Harry's chagrin the aforementioned Snape yelled "POTTER! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing! I demand that you release me immediately! Struggling against his bonds apparently did nothing to improve his state of mind and he sneered "Just like your big-headed father, what are you going to do now, hang me upside down?" With that, Harry swished his wand and Snape found himself feet on the ceiling, head and long greasy hair pointed towards the floor. "Yeah, that's better" said Harry. All the Chicago mobsters had been silently watching the workings of a pissed off Harry Potter, but now they all burst into great raucous laughter, Joey the Clown yelling out "Someone get me a beer and some pretzels, this is great!"

With a quiet "pop" a table full of snack food and drinks materialized on the opposite side of the room and Kahele the Menehune stood quietly behind it offering refreshments to the group.

"Could one of you please tell me how this murdering low-life excuse for a teacher got here?" inquired Harry to the assembled group. Joey the Clown motioned towards Snape with his pistol "We thought you would like a live body to practice your curses on Harry. "So we arranged a little intervention for your friend here" (indicating the upside-down Snape) and brought him over for your pleasure". Snape was still struggling against his bonds, but no longer was heard thanks to a quick "silencio" from Tonks.

"Ok Potter, you've had yer fun, let's get him down from there, eh?" Moody moved once again towards the now calmed (or tired out) Snape and flicked his wand to remove the bindings on him. "why won't it work" mumbled Moody. "Because I'm going to get some answers now, Mad-Eye" came the reply. Moody noticed Harry's eyes were positively glowing with anger, the killing-curse green actually pulsed brighter with what must have been the beating of his heart. Harry picked up a can of beer from the refreshment table and walked over to where Snape was now hanging silently by his feet with a resigned look on his face. Harry waved his wand across his captive's face and the immobilized death eater was once again able to vocalize his displeasure at his predicament.

"Snape!" Harry snapped out "Why?" the question coming out more gently than the name. The answer was a simple "Because Albus gave me no choice".

Harry popped open the can of beer and proceeded to pour it down (or up, if you're looking at it another way) the still upside down Snape's nose, the carbonated alcoholic beverage instantly fizzing and causing his captive to snort then choke while violently twisting around in his bindings to escape the stream of painful liquid sinus-cleaner.

"GAAA!" Snape yelled out, loud laughter could be heard again from the assembled group as Harry stopped pouring and took a sip from the almost empty can. "Now that's what I call 'alcohol abuse" was the comment from Joey between bouts of laughter. The group shared more laughter at the expense of the now soggy headed Snape.

"Harry" came a soft voice from his right. He looked over that way, and saw the disapproving look on Tonk's face. Harry waved his wand again and quietly said "scourgify" thereby cleaning up the mess that was once his potions master. Another wave of the wand and Snape was upright, an opening motion by his left hand and the steel cables holding him captive were removed. Mad-Eye Moody kept his wand pointed at Snape's heart and motioned for him to sit down on the closest chair, a soft leather rocker-recliner.

"Spill" said Harry, the single word being enough to set the head of Slytherin house to begin explaining the history of the past year, beginning with the unbreakable vow to Narsissa Malfoy and ending with him having to finish Draco's task or face death.

"Better for you to have died than Dumbledore" spat out Harry, barely able to get the words out without choking in remorse for not being able to stop the senseless murder of the Headmaster. "Albus made sure that I understood his willingness to be the sacrifice so that I would stay in good standing with the Dark Lord. He stated his final wishes were that I would assist your task from the inner circle of Deatheaters. Yes, Potter, I know of the journey you both undertook that night to retrieve the locket of Slytherin. I could have simply informed the Dark Lord of your intentions and had him intercept your mission, but did not. I am loath to admit it, but _you are_ the only hope for the wizarding world, oh '_Chosen One_". The last two words were said with a sneer reminiscent of Harry's fondest potion class memories.

"Can you prove any of this?" came the inquiry from Tonks. "Minerva has Albus' Pensive, the last will is inside and Dumbledore explained everything you two have been doing all year long, from the review of memories and history of Tom Riddle to the preparations for Horcrux hunting. He even added some information for the ministry regarding my innocence in his death". With this, Snape placed his hands over his eyes and seemed to slip into a daydream. "YOU HAVE NO INNOCENCE IN HIS DEATH!" yelled Tonks, approaching Snape with a vicious look on her face and her wand tip glowing in anticipation of a dangerous curse about to be cast. She stopped, however when Harry extended his arm in front of her and continued his questioning of the potions master.

"Do you know what other items the Dark Dungheap may have used to store pieces of himself in, then?" Harry asked quietly. From between the hands over Snape's face came a mumbled "Huflepuff's cup, Ravenclaw's Quill, and perhaps the Hogwart's Express". "Huh"? came the surprised reply from Harry. "Yes Potter, the Dark Lord thought of the Express as his only escape every year from the abusive muggle orphanage he was sent back to by uncaring Headmaster Dippett and untrusting Professor of Transfiguration, Albus Dumbledore. The only reason the Hogwarts Express hasn't been attacked by him is because of his appreciation of the train as the only true constant in his early life. So it would make sense that he may have imparted some of himself into it as an important item to him, and an institution of Hogwarts.

"So, let me get this straight" interjected Joey 'The Clown' Lombardo "this Voldeiwhateverhisselfproclaimedtitleandwierdname is, created the first '**_Soul Train_**?"

(AN-Ok I can hear the booo's from this end of the net, sorry, couldn't help it)  
(like it, don't like it, I'm getting a little complex here not knowing if anybody cares, so a review or two would be appreciated, thanx……)


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